December 04, 2002
SuperCelebrity Dreamland Edition
So normally the dream diary i keep is total top secret, but this one is for sharing. I think it was inspired by the fact that I got a call yesterday from someone stalking a celebrity-type that i worked for for five minutes last year and don't even want to discuss in any way shape length form or intensity, whatsoever. That and yesterday's TRL. I watch TRL. Regularly. Now you know.
So, in my dream, Eminem left this looooong ass message on my voicemail. In it, he was scolding me for having, I don't know, criticized his pants or something (which, he had a point because his pants are pretty unassailable), and he's going on about all the different ways he'll kill me and objects he'll hit me with, and then you can hear his celly ringing in the background and he just hangs up mid-sentence, to pick up his cell call. Because I guess his daily rounds of calling up people who have criticized him to scold them are second banana to his real calls, and they aren't really important enough to absolutely require endings. Endings optional.
So I'm like, dude, Eminem just totally fucking called me! And I'm all "And i have caller ID!" And of course even though this was Eminem's scolding line, he didn't have the number blocked, so I called him back. And he picks up and i go, "Dude. Is this Eminem?" And he chortles and starts to hang up and I'm all "i mean i mean, is this Marshall?" And he goes "NOW WE'RE TALKIN" no fucking lie. That's what Eminem said, in my head.
Then we had it out. I asked him why he was so insecure and needed everyone to say nice things about him, and how come if that's what he wants he doesn't say nice things about everyone else to sort of get the ball rolling. And he's all "I don't know, they started it, how come everyone's so mean to me?" and i'm all "they really want to like you because you sure can write lyrics and you're awfully pinchable, and I think if you turn over a new leaf i really think things could turn around for you and you could usher in a new era of world peace, kind of like Madonna intends to do. But i don't know if she's equipped, on accounta she's crazy. Then again, you're crazy too. So... anyway, have you heard the new Ted Leo track because it's super good" and he's all "serious?" and that's all I remember, but the point is I fixed Eminem.
