March 25, 2003
Dying Cute; and Too Much of a Good Thing
Listen, alls I'm saying is, my brand new kung fu posterior is kinda spectacular, and this is the best I've looked since I was 23, and since I don't tend to dress too scandalously, it would just be nice if someone could get a load of me in my underwear sometime soon. That's all I meant. You, specifically, don't have to have sex with me; I just wanted to kinda put that out there, to the universe.
I'm going in to the oral surgeon in an hour or so to get my wisdoms yanked. They're all over the place and pushing into stuff and invading my sinuses and overlapping with my jaw nerve and... oh, ok, that reminds me of another reason i wanted to put me in my underwear out there to the universe, is that in doing all of my traditional hypochondriac "just how wrong can this go" internet searching, I came upon the possibility that I could permanently lose the sensation in my lips and/or tongue? And so i just thought it might be nice to make out one last time with sensation. That's all. One more for the road, you know? Let's do it for our country. But, too late, unless Steven Soderbergh knocks on my door in the next ten minutes in which case it's SO on.
But so, i'm a little skurred of the whole general anaesthesia angle, even though I was the one who insisted on the general anaesthesia cause I really like that idea of not being there for this whole party. But I'm scared cause of that time Mike Watt died. But I won't die, right? Well, if i do die, at least I'll by dying cute with my new kung fu posterior and my recently cleared skin and my new bangs. And I'll be dying with a positive net worth, for the first time since I was like 18! How hot is that? Even better, my net worth will still be positive EVEN AFTER i pay for this exhorbitant oral sexery! I mean surgery! God, is it spring time or what?
Anyway, to take my mind off my imminent death, I thought I would tell you about some ladybugs. Because they're cute, right? And red and tiny! Yeah, well, unfortunately, I had this experience? With ladybugs? I was living in a castle in a small town in Netherlands (true story; it was one of the abroad programs at my school), and in the computer room in this castle, towards the middle of our stay, we had what can only be called a ladybug infestation. Now, I know, that sounds like so much good luck you'd spontaneously ascend into heaven or something but actually, when you've got 80 thousand million ladybugs crawling in and out of some crack in ancient ceiling, it's fucking gross is what it is. That's when ladybugs sort of morph out of plush toy good luck come sit on my arm for a spell, little gift from god territory into tiny red flying beetles that fit under keyboard keys and go crunch crunch crunch, and fall onto your head and your arms and your face and your lap while you're trying to do homework territory. It's not lucky at all, in my estimation. It's actually, officially, too much of a good thing, I think.
Anyway, I've seen a total of 6 ladybugs in the past week and they've all made me a little queasy and flinchy. And I feel that that's unfortunate. But not as unfortunate as me dying in a couple hours.
